Why don’t people want the American Dream anymore - marriage, kids, a dog, and the white picket fence?
07.06.2025 06:28
Well, what if you were:
Bottom line, a lot of people started to think that the dream wasn’t a dream. In many cases, it was a nightmare. It came with a lot of stuff many people didn’t want to put up with or couldn’t get, like having enough income and being the right race to get that house in the area they wanted to live, having to be married and having kids, being willing in the case of the woman to live a life of servitude and financial dependence on the husband for decades, and giving up her own dreams in the process. And over time as nonwhites, gays, women who wanted a career, and other folks who don’t want to be married or parents started to become more accepted in society, people began to realize that living your best life was the American dream, and that may or may not include home ownership, marrying, having children, and the picket fence.
Poor: If you were poor of any race, you weren’t getting that house, which basically telegraphed to society that you were a miserable failure (especially if you were the man of the house) or simply not living your best life in the best country in the world. Men did not want to be you and women did not want to be with you.
Other: If you didn’t want to get married or have kids because you wanted to prioritize a life that didn’t involve being married, raising kids, and smelling Fido, grow a career or vocation, or because you simply want to be able to come home and know the food you left in the fridge the night before would still be there, you could put your feet up on your own couch and watch whatever you want to on the TV, and not have to deal with anyone, then the dream was unattainable, or it was too steep a price to pay—you’d be forced to live a life you didn't want.
Or the dog. Maybe a cat? They’re cleaner and quieter.
Gay: Yeah right. You couldn’t live openly with someone of the same sex unless you were actual sisters, or maybe your mother or other older relative. You either hid that person or you simply didn’t have a partner. And no kids for you. If you were a man, you could buy a house if you had a good salary (and you better be able to hide the fact you don’t like the ladies if you want to keep any kind of a professional job). If you were a woman, you rented some apartment or a room somewhere because women couldn’t buy a house by themselves even if they did have money. And being a single woman meant you were a weirdo if you weren’t suspected of being gay. And having a partner? Probably not unless you lived in a particularly progressive place or knew how to hide your relationship. And for sure, no children unless you or your partner already had them. Even for straight women, single women couldn’t adopt.
Because that dream for many people was either a trap, required too much sacrifice, or flat out unattainable.
Frankly that dream didn’t work for everyone back then and as society evolved past the traditional family model as the only option for people, people learned there were other things that were more important—like loving who you want, staying single if you want to, pursuing a life path you wanted to live, deciding to not have children, or living in a small apartment in an area you want to live in because you don’t want to clean a house or spend the money for one, or be forced to move to some godforsaken part of the country because you can’t afford a home where you want to live.
White middle class heterosexual couple with a kid or two, a pet (somewhere, usually a dog because... cats?), and yes, the house and picket fence. Usually circa 1940s–1950s.
Why am I so tired of the keto diet?
Nonwhite: Not only could you find getting a job that would allow you to get a house challenging, finding someone who would sell you a house in a desirable neighborhood was also an issue. Those that did find housing in a decent neighborhood/suburb with a yard for the kiddos and the dog faced discrimination and in many cases harassment amongst their neighbors. Everyone else lived in not-so-great neighborhoods or they simply rented.
The dream usually was portrayed like this:
Looks well, normal and right, huh? What’s not to like?
A woman: That house and fence with the kids meant you were a stay-at-home mom who couldn’t do anything else but be a housekeeper and mom doing most of the scut work even if you had a degree in nuclear physics and worked on the Manhattan Project. Once you got married you gave up that job, and once you had kids, it was game over for any plan you may have had that didn’t involve being subservient to those husbands and kids. Better hope hubby didn’t blow up the plan by taking up with the secretary at work because you were on your way to taking in laundry and working as a maid while raising your kids in a fourth floor walkup apartment in a sketchy part of town while hubby made another American Dream with that secretary. Or worse, you having to leave because hubby is beating you up. If you think opting out of the workforce is damaging today, you should have been around during the ’40 and ’50s trying to find a decent job. At best, if you didn’t find cleaning toilets, picking up after everyone, dealing with Fido’s mess because nobody else would, making sure hubby was properly liquored up with his slippers and newspaper at the ready when he got home, and being a short order cook/gourmet cook that hubby could boast about for decades appealing, you were one miserable, bored puppy. And that was the best situation—if you were a domestic abuse victim, your life and/or your kid’s lives were at risk and you couldn’t get out unless you were willing to risk homelessness. Lots of women took up drinking and drugs to help deal with that frustration, and in the ‘60s, were the audience for books like The Feminine Mystique which launched the women’s rights movement.